"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work." - Steven Wright


> Thursday 1.31.02

Sometimes in the day to day course of my life, I forget to focus on the things that really matter. With that in mind, I would like to take a moment to tell my wife how very important she is to me. I can imagine my life without Susan, but it's not a reality I care to contemplate for very long. Thank you for making my world a sweeter place to be, darling. I love you!!

Wall to wall Enron coverage (ad infinitum, ad nauseum): Houston Chronicle

Referring to God's hold on the religion industry as "blatently, anti-competitive", a federal judge has found God to be in violation of anti-monopoly laws. "The evidence introduced in this trial has convinced me that the deity known as God has willfully and actively thwarted competition from other deities and demigods, promoting His worship with such unfair scare tactics as threatening non-believers with eternal damnation," wrote District Judge Charles Elliot Schofield in his decision. "In the process, He has carved out for Himself an illegal monotheopoly." The suit, brought against God by the Justice Department on behalf of a coalition of "lesser deities" and polytheistic mortals, alleged that He violated antitrust laws by claiming in the Holy Bible that He was the sole creator of the universe, and by strictly prohibiting the worship of what He termed "false idols." This in spite of Microsoft's Bill Gates filing an amicus brief with the court on behalf of God.

An Iranian official today called the Shrub Administration "ungrateful" for it's help in establishing the new government in Afghnistan. "We are used to this type of cliché statements by the United States, and also the arrogance that is associated with the statement," said Javad Zarif, Iran's Deputy Foreign Minister on Thursday. "But what was not expected, and is a source of shock, is for the United States president to have such a short memory and forget what has happened in the last three months in Afghanistan." In other words, we'd appreciate it if y'all just ignore the fact that we are one of the world's leading exporters of terror, and that a large portion of our government still refers to you as "The Great Satan". We really do have many redeeming qualities....

Is Star Wars teaching our children about sex? This article, from the Landover Baptist Church, dates to 1999, but it is rather humorous. Or at least it would be if these people weren't taking this so damn seriously.

All across Asia, children are being sold into slavery- as prostitutues, servant, or laborers. TIME magazine examines a continent's dirty little secret. Interesting, isn't it, how we can bomb Afghanistan back into the Stone Age, but our government remains silent about the systematic use and abuse of children? Moral outrage doesn't cost nearly as much as a cluster bomb; why then are we not addressing this issue with the responsible governments?

In what amounts to a corporate mea culpa, Andersen Consulting announced that it is cognizant of the trouble it has caused. As a recognition of this, Andersen disclosed that it will be changing the company's name.

Apparently, the Taliban is making a comeback- in Iowa. Sneaky devils, aren't they???(from Cybertoad's Corner)

Being stuck to a toilet seat; I used to have nightmares about this when I was a kid. Now I have to worry about it on airplanes?? How much longer can I hold it??? I suppose this would be hilarious as long as you're not the one vacuum-sealed to the toilet seat....

Ty Tryon is a phenomenally talented golfer who clearly belongs on the PGA Tour. No controversy there. The problem, though, is that he is only 17, and still in high school. Should someone so young be allowed to turn professional? Talented youngsters in other sports (where would the NBA be without high-schoolers skipping college- Kobe Bryant and Kevin Garnett, anyone?) are allowed to turn pro as soon as they graduate from high school. Golf differs from the NBA in that it is an individual sport, which leaves Tryon without the support system most young basketball players have. I hope that Tryon will prove the skeptics wrong, but the stakes are very high for him.

The New York Fire Department's most senior commanders are now beginning to admit that on the morning of 9.11.01, they were hampered by poor, and in some cases nonexistent radio communications. They said they had little reliable radio communication that morning, could not keep track of all the firefighters who entered the towers, and were unable to reach them as the threat of a collapse became unmistakable....One chief estimated that at the moment the north tower fell, nearly every civilian below the floors directly hit by the airplane had already evacuated, and that only firefighters remained inside the stairwells of a building that was seen as a lost cause.

Are you a true blue, patriotic American? Take the John Ashcroft "Good American" Quiz....

For those of you having difficulty falling asleep, I offer the full, unabridged text of Shrub's State of the Union Address. All in all, it was 48 minutes I probably could have used more productively fixing the garbage disposal in the kitchen....

I'm on the Olympic Team? Bummer.... Snowboarders hate the uniforms, the rules, and the structure, but there just may be a payoff for them if they compete.

Below the Beltway. It's winter in DC, and you'd think someone would be able to insulate a house....

Is it any wonder kids equate school with prison? Once they get a taste of prune burgers, expect the inmates to revolt....

The Press' business...or how the media missed the warning signs of the Enron crisis.

Clearly, Joey Green is a man with WAY too much time on his hands. Even so, his website offers information about some products that you could not possibly imagine. Cleaning a toilet with Coke?? Just don't drink it when you're finished...

Wall to wall Enron coverage: Houston Chronicle

I'm so excited I can barely stand it. The site got 40 hits yesterday, which may not seem like much, but for someone who does no advertising and relies on word of mouth, I'm thrilled. I didn't think that many people would be interested in what I have to say. On top of that, I've been invited to submit material to badsamaritan.com. I know, I know; it's an unpaid gig, but it's a step in the right direction. I've always wanted to write a column, and now I have the chance to spew forth to a much wider audience than my site draws. Maybe, just maybe I can eventually figure out a way to make a living at this. For now, though, I'll just enjoy the fact that someone is interested in my work. Everybody wants to rule the world....

Enron has named turnaround specialist Stephen Cooper as it's new CEO. ....Cooper, hired as interim chief executive and chief restructuring officer...is noted for his aggressiveness, ability to work with creditors and sense of humor. That's great, but let's hope he can juggle and pull a rabbit out of a hat as well.

From wellslapmesilly.com:

An Enron Official was in a great deal of trouble. The business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody-- it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.

When he had finished, the priest said, "Here's what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down Galveston beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."

A year later the businessman went back to the priest and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket, gave it to the priest as a donation in thanks for his advice.

The priest recognized the benefactor, and was curious. "You did as I suggested?" he asked. "Absolutely," replied the businessman. "You went to Galveston beach?" "Absolutely." "You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?" "Absolutely." "You let the pages rifle until they stopped?" "Absolutely." "And what were the first words you saw?" "Chapter 11."

Two words you will never, under any circumstances, see used in the same sentence: "boxing" and "integrity".

McWhortle Enterprises, Inc. It sounds harmless enough, but it actually is totally fake- an attempt at investor education by our very own SEC. While I applaud the SEC for creativity, I'm not at all sure this is the way I want my tax dollars spent. Still, if it saves a few people for tossing money into a rathole, it might just prove to be worth it.

God, Enron, and the Religious Right. The New York Times reported last week that President Bush's leading political advisor, Karl Rove, engineered the hiring of Ralph Reed, formerly executive director of the Christian Coalition, by the Enron Corporation. Reed's support for Bush was thought to have played a pivotal role in Shrub's initial Republican primary victories. Enron paid Reed between $10,000- $20,000 per month for four years. Who says votes can't be purchased?

Yet more hilarity from wellslapmesilly.com: you gotta love uppity women....

COntrary to what y'all may be thinking, the war in Afghanistan is far from over. The country is still a very dangerous and deadly place.

Stephen King might be retiring?? Say it isn't so!!!

Jesse Ventura: Bravery and Bluster; War Without Guns.

The Prince of Darkness may want to think twice before heading for Inglis, FL.

The Pope has publicly urged lawyers and judges to shun divorce cases. That's right; let's all just ignore the problem, and it will go away. Perhaps it's time that the Catholic Church pulled it's collective head out of the sand and get a grip on reality.

A politically correct Bible is in the works. Somehow, I think being gender-neutral was not foremost on Mose's mind as he wandered through the desert for 40 days. Give me a break...

I can vouch for this one: There are few places more lovely and enchanting than Oregon's Columbia Gorge- particularly during the winter.

Inertia means never having to take the initiative to do something that might actually make a difference.... The State Department has disclosed that it sees no potential for a thaw in relations between the US and Cuba in the near future. No, that would mean trying to reach out, and hatred of Castro is so irrationally ingrained in the Cuban community. Any politician who tried to reach out to Cuba would likely be guilty of committing political suicide.

Wall to wall Enron coverage: Houston Chronicle

Now, THIS is funny.... Apparently, Chairman Ashcroft, an extremely conservative fundamentalist Christian, is growing frustrated with having his picture taken in the Great Hall of the Justice Department in front of semi-nude statues. Public affairs people however denied any such thing. They stoutly maintained that the attorney general had never complained and that no draperies had been ordered. They pointed out that periodically, through different administrations, draperies were sometimes rented for particular events....Well, I guess this is a lot of background to get to the point: the draperies have in fact been ordered....The draperies installed last week at a cost of just over $8,000. My advice to Chairman Ashcroft- get over yourself!! You spent $8,000 of our taxes to cover the breast of a statue? You couldn't have found another place to have a photo op?? And people wonder why I can't stomach the man....

A wandering cat managed to set off an explosive warning device at the US Embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan. Spokesman John Kincannon said the cat triggered the warning device - known as a "flash-bang" - set up along the compound's perimeter to guard against intruders. "The cat lived, but it was a very frightened cat," he said. So much for having nine lives....

Calculate your chaos coefficient (Feral Living)

So far, 700 people have been confirmed dead in Lagos, Nigeria. No one really seems to know just what happened, except for a horrific series of explosions. There is speculation that the death toll may end up going as high as 2,000. Residents said that if Sunday night's explosions had happened on a weekday, around 3,000 children would have been attending three schools destroyed in the blasts. "I think those who say God is a Nigerian are correct," said one soldier. "We are fortunate that most of the weapons were stored underground; otherwise, the whole of Lagos could have been on fire." About half the buildings at the site were destroyed, including two secondary schools and one primary school. Government and military officials seem to be rushing to cover themselves as quickly as humanly possible.

Do you take too many online quizzes?? I scored only 110 points out of 310. You take more tests than you should, but it doesn't interrupt your life, at least not as much as the rest of your online habits probably do.

A lesson in economics from a Texas A&M professor....

In case you were wondering how Enron came into so much trouble, here is an explanation reputedly given by an Aggie professor to explain it in terms his students could understand.

Capitalism:You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

Enron Venture Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

Now do you see why a company with $62 billion in assets is declaring bankruptcy?

More than 400 ex-employees have filed a class action suit against Enron over their 401(k) losses.

The biggest fear of the detainees at Guantanamo: what is going to happen?

The Darwin Awards presents the 2001 "Natural Selection" awards:...

These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most (Now Let's Hear a Cheer for Pure Genius at Work!!!!!!) to rid their genes from the world's gene pool.

5th RUNNER-UP: Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad. Twenty-two-year-old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.

4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death.

3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.

2nd RUNNER-UP: "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the 22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pick-up truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it", said Payne. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said 'I'll show you how to set it off'." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said.

1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland's University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grant's Pass, OR. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this". No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.

And now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER: (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pick-up truck over to the fence and the plan was for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm, as it were) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. (Possibly) figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, (did I mention that he is THE LATE) Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse (?!), on landing, his pocketknife penetrated his thigh 3 inches. (The late) Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, decided to throw him a rope and pull him to safety (now he thinks of the "S" word) by tying the rope to the pick-up truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing him.

Police arrived to find the crashed pick-up with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it, half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.

Congratulations gentlemen, you win...removal of undesirable elements from the human gene pool.

So how can you call it a recovery if there are no jobs??

Mormons are determined to redo their public image with the Olympics coming to Salt Lake City. That's great, but I want to know more about the "the astoundingly beautiful Utah Bikini Team."

Thailand thinks it has come up with a creative way to deal with it's dependence on fossil fuels: it plans on turning the excrement of prisoners into gas.


Monday 1.28.02

Today in Hockey: 1965 - Ulf Sterner becomes the first Swedish-born player to play in the NHL, suiting up for the New York Rangers.

The calendar says January, but the thermometer said 80 degrees. We have mosquitoes in January. Unbelievable....

The Shrub Administration, which has prided itself on controlling and setting the agenda, may have finally met it's match. The Enron mess is spoiling the party, and everything it touches. There may not be enough wiggle room for Shrub to escape this one.

It looks as if people are beginning to suspect that those with the dirtier hands are Republicans, accoring to a CBS/New York Times poll.

Interestingly enough, there were suspicions about Enron's financial picture as long as three years ago. The 1999 deal would have combined Enron and Veba, a utility company based in Düsseldorf, Germany, in a so-called merger of equals....Consultants from PricewaterhouseCoopers told Veba that Enron, through complex accounting and deal making, had swept tens of millions of dollars in debt off its books, making the company's balance sheet look stronger than it really was, according to people involved in analyzing the failed deal.

Dismayed by what he sees as a lack of moral outrage on the part of American students after the attacks of 9.11.01, Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy is launching what he calls the "Dialogue on Freedom". I admire Justice Kennedy's ideas and commitment, but I do have one question. If we are talking about exploring morals here, where is the emphasis on parental involvement???

It's a dessert topping AND a floor wax! Are the al-Qaeda "detainees" being held at Guantanamo Bay prisoners of war? Since the do not represent an army of a legitimately constituted government, it is a grey area under the Geneva Convention? Why is this important? To groups like the International Committee of the Red Cross, Human Rights Watch, and the like, it is more than semantics. If the detainees are held to be prisoners of war, they are entitled to certain protections under the Geneva Convention. Ironic, isn't it, that people are worried about the treatment of prisoners whose leadership are responsible for flying three jetliners into American buildings, killing over 3,000 people?

Dave Barry explains while it will be at least 2048 before his two-year-old daughter will be allowed to date.

The facts and Sara Jane Olson.

Some call him the "Professor of Terror". His application for US citizenship has gone nowhere for years. Is Sami Al-Arian a threat to America, or is he simply an intellectual Palestinian with a point of view some Americans find distasteful or threatening? Isn't freedom of speech one of the things this country is supposed to be about? (Unknown News)

Dead man walking...and walking, and walking, and walking....

Can Shrub, a man who once traded Sammy Sosa, be trusted with the keys to the White House? Tim Heitmann presents a unique look at the 2000 Presidential election and the role of male voters.

Keystone Kommandos: the story of eight would-be Nazi saboteurs who planned to cripple US industry. What happened is a story of confusion, low comedy, and betrayal—and the creation of a precedent for the military tribunals being proposed by the Shrub Administration today.

Beginning last June, anywhere from 12-15 cows in rural Pondera County, Montana have been mutilated. Whoever or whatever has been mutilating the cattle leaves behind no evidence, not even footprints. It's so mysterious that the townsfolk don't know whether to blame the government, aliens or satanic cults -- but the mutilations are nothing new. They seem to come in spurts every 10 years or so.... The truth is out there....

In Minnesota, the question of domestic partner benefits for state workers is promising to remain an ongoing controversy....

Donald Watkins, the man who wants to rescue the Minnesota Twins, is made of more than just money.

Ilona Staller, a form porn star know as "Cicciolina", and a former member of Italy's Parliament, is considering a run for a seat in Hungary's parliament. Staller, who made her last porn film in 1989, has until March 15 to officially register her candidacy for the election, to be held in two rounds on April 7 and 21.

Sunday 1.27.02

Some people drink at the fountain of knowledge ... others just gargle.
- slogan on a refrigerator magnet

Madame, your implement is admonishing me!

The myth of Enron. For years, Enron was the darling of the business world. The company was bold, innovative, and not afraid to think "outside the box". What is happening now is the saga of a company that, in the words of one officer, ran out of ideas about a year ago. Unfortunately, Enron proved not nearly so adept at juggling.

aka Jesse Ventura....

In America, many of us have things that symbolize freedom. It can be just about anything depending on our background and interests. For Zainab Al-Suwaij, it is the hijab, a traditional head scarf worn by Muslim women who seek personal modesty in public.

Australia gets blind drunk, passes out, wakes up in the North Atlantic.

Justice is not cheap, and in the case of rape kits, it apparently is far too expensive to pursue in many cases. An investigation by ABC News shows just what can happen when rape kits are actually analyzed. At $500 a shot, though, many police departments can afford to do little but store them, sometimes for years, and at the cost of unsolved cases.

Though he is suffering from a serious credibility problem, Yasir Arafat soldiers on, trying to put a good face on a bad situation that he is largely responsible for. Demonstrators in Bethlehem and Ramallah gathered today to show their support for Arafat, but really, what other option do they have? With the Israeli Army keeping Arafat under virtual house arrest, the Palestinians are being squeezed, and with no alternative to Arafat, their situation is not good.

If history is any indication, a victory in Super Bowl XXVI on 2.3.02 by the New England Patriots may be an indicator of a down year for stocks and corporate profits. The indicator holds that a win by a member of the National Football League, before it merged with the American Football League, means a good year for the markets. A victory by an original American Football League member such as the Patriots and stocks suffer.

Trying to be a sensitive man in a yoga class....

X-PAC is trying to take the political pulse of younger voters (and non-voters). Take their online survey.

And justice for all...or not....

Baseball's contraction farce means that the Montreal Expos will likely end up having to field a team this season. The team won't even have an owner; it will probably have to be run by the league. Never mind the fact that no one in Montreal will even show up to watch a lame-duck team. Talk about a long walk on a short pier....

Australian woman fumes at Strip-o-Gram phone mixup....

A strange new affliction called "Enronitis" has cropped up among Republican members of Congress. The person with the most virulent case seems to be former Montana Governor Marc Racicot, the new Chairman of the Republican Party: It is not unusual for political figures to duck questions, but often it is done in a coherent manner. Racicot, according to epidemiologists studying this outbreak, probably contracted enronitis when he recently was employed as a lobbyist for Enron. Racicot claims he was merely helping the firm with a single legislative matter and was not aware of its perilous financial condition or its fraudulent essence. Apparently, there has been no treatment yet identified for Enronitis. Drink plenty of fluids, get plenty of rest, and stay away from Sunday morning political talk shows....

One year ago today, ten men associated with the Oklahoma State University basketball team died in a plane crash in Colorado. To say that perspectives have changed since then would be something of an understatement.

More about Enron Energy Services. How can any of these people look at themselves in a mirror? I wonder what it's like, living in a moral and ethical vacuum??

Turkey finds itself in a precarious position. As a secular government in an Islamic country, Turkey is allied to both East and West. The question, of course, is can it act as a bridge between the two? And, if so, how effectively?

A Pennsylvania man was found playing hide-and-seek under a teenage girl's bed- without her knowledge.

During my time as a contractor at Enron Energy Services, there were a number of things that I (and my colleagues) wondered about. Like, f'rinstance, where did the money come from? Well, as it turns out, there were a lot more questions than there were answers about EES. This story just keeps getting weirder, particularly since one of Enron's former executives committed suicide yesterday.

Life lessons from Mariah Carey and Lisa Kerkorian. [M]any, many people in my life have wanted me to go away. But Carey and Kerkorian have shown me my strategic error. I have always gone—for free. Remember, if they tell you that it's not about the money, you can be certain THAT IT'S ABOUT THE MONEY.

Internet dating site Match.com is reporting that it's membership is up 70% since 9.11.01. And sociologists say that's not surprising in times of uncertainty. "Even if it doesn't happen to you, it reminds you that you don't even want to watch the news without that special someone on the side of you," sociologist Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle. "So I believe the services have been used more."

Hillary's excellent adventure. After years of controversy, New York Sen. Hillary Clinton is finally where she wants to be- and she has grown into the job. Hillary Clinton has earned the luxury of being boring. Or, more precisely, pretending to be. A woman whose past is shrouded in unanswered questions and whose future is cloaked in unrevealed possibilities will remain interesting for a long time to come....She gives the speeches she wants to, no longer bowing to the West Wing political advisers who, when her husband was president, fretted that her presence was too hot. She power-walks around Capitol Hill from hearing to floor speech to news conference to reception, putting in 12- to 14-hour days, often with a cell phone planted to her ear. The New York reporters who follow her ask more often than not about financial aid for New York City, or even the federal Animal Disease Center on Plum Island, rather than about her marriage or her hair or her legal controversies. She constantly pays deference to Senate elders, saying she knows she's just one of a hundred. She chirps a singsongy "How are you?" to the tourists who regularly do double takes or stretch out their hands when they spot a celebrity, making plain that she is hardly just one of a hundred.

Let me first begin by saying that my heart goes out to those who lost friends or loved ones on 9.11.01. I lost a good friend and college classmate myself. Having said that, however, I'm becoming increasingly disturbed by the issue of adequate compensation. I believe that compensation is a fair question, but deciding how much and for whom is anything but. No amount of money can replace a husband, a father, a wage earner who may have been his or her family's sole means of support. Is it society's responsible to ensure, as I've heard one mother say, that her children "never want for anything?" Kathy Ashton, the author of this article, closes by saying, "We, the families of those martyrs of America, will never forget and we will not go away. We will work tirelessly to bring justice to all responsible for the deaths of our loved ones. Our motivation is honorable. It is not greed. It is justice." Perhaps so. The problem, though, is that, in this country, when some says "it's not about the money", you can be certain it's about the money.

Who is responsible for mental illness on campus? When I went off to college, I clearly remember Macalester making a point of telling students that it did not act in loco parentis. Sure, most schools have services available, but can they really be held accountable for what a student may do once they matriculate? Elizabeth Shin's case highlights the growing problem of mental illness on campus and raises questions about whether universities can handle them. Universities face increasing pressures: rapidly rising caseloads, more seriously ill students and insurance companies that pay only for the briefest of hospital stays. And colleges must decide whether to involve parents in their child's treatment. That's an especially thorny issue given medical confidentiality laws that protect the privacy of patients who are 18 or older.

Afghan girls and boys are being auctioned off in Pakistan. The girls are generally sold into prostitution, live-in servitude in Pakistan, or into the harems of the rich in west Asia. The boys are generally in demand for camel races.

Now that we're in the 21st Century, it might be fun to look back at the beginning of the last century and see what it was like (thanks, Beamers!!):

1. The average life expectancy in the United States was 47.
2. Only 14% of the homes in the United States had a bathtub.
3. Only 8% of the homes had a telephone.
4. A three minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars
5. There were only 8,000 cars in the US and 144 miles of paved roads.
6. The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
7. Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.
8. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the twenty-first most populous State in the Union.
9. The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
10. The average wage in the US was twenty-two cents an hour.
11. The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
12. A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2500 per year, a veterinarian between $1500 and $4000 per year and a mechanical engineer about $5000 per year.
13. More than 95% of all births in the United States took place at home.
14. Ninety percent of all US physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."
15. Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
16. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
17. Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
18. Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason, either as travelers or immigrants.
19. The five leading causes of death in the US were: pneumonia and influenza, tuberculosis, diarrhea, heart disease, and stroke.
20. The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
21. Drive-by-shootings -- in which teenage boys galloped down the street on horses and started randomly shooting at houses, carriages, or anything else that caught their fancy -- were an ongoing problem in Denver and other cities in the West.
22. The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was thirty. The remote desert community was inhabited by only a handful of ranchers and their families.
23. Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn't been discovered yet.
24. Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer and iced tea hadn't been invented.
25. There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
26. One in ten US adults couldn't read or write.
27. Only 6% of all Americans had graduated from high school.
28. Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."
29. Coca-Cola contained cocaine instead of caffeine.
30. Punch card data processing had recently been developed, and early predecessors of the modern computer were used for the first time by the government to help compile the 1900 census.
31. Eighteen percent of households in the United States had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
32. There were about 230 reported murders in the US annually.

Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf is hoping to use the war in Afghanistan to create a secular Pakistan, based on the model of Ataturk's Turkey. A noble goal, certainly, but can Musharraf overcome Pakistan's militant jihadi culture?

Time was when Kabul was Afghanistan's crown jewel. [T]here was a time, as recently as 30 years ago, when this remote capital was graced with lovely fountains, flowering gardens, handsome villas and stately monuments. After more than 20 years of war, it's going to be quite some time before Kabul looks anything like what it did in 1972. While I might enjoy thinking of a holiday in Afghanistan (I have, after all, lived and worked in three different war zones), I doubt many other people would think in those terms. (It's a beautiful country, just steer clear of the land mines....)

Former Enron CEO Ken Lay has joined a Nigerian firm, and is asking for your confidential assistance and bank account numbers.

Any divorce is an ugly situation; the difference between one and another is only in the degree of ugliness. Juanita Jordan, in filing for divorce from Michael Jordan, seems to be trying to keep things positive. So far, so good.

Rumors to the contrary aside, Penelope Cruz is NOT having Dave Barry's baby....

One year ago this Sunday, ten men connected with the Oklahoma State University basketball program died in a plane crash. In Stillwater, OK, the grief still runs deep.

Stephen Truscott served 10 years for murder in an Ontario prison before being released on parole. Now, he wants to use new DNA technologies to exonerate his name. "I want my name back, I want closure," Mr. Truscott said at the time. "My friends all know that I'm innocent. Nothing is going to change that. ... I want to set the record straight." The Association in Defence of the Wrongly Convicted supports Mr. Truscott's innocence. The association prepared a 600-page brief alleging that police and prosecutors blinded themselves to other suspects and other evidence that pointed away from Mr. Truscott.

No surprise here: three out of four Canadian telecommuters report increased job satisfaction.

For years the Catholic Church in this country has had an abysmal record of dealing with pedophiles within it's midst. The story of Rev. John J. Geoghan is shocking even given the Church's already-poor record. The Archdiocese of Boston demonstrates that denial is more than just a river in Egypt.

Is 14-year-old Heather Opel a hardened criminal or a misguided child simply doing her mother's beckoning- in this case committing murder?

No, we DON'T want fries with that. A neighborhood in Portland, OR, tells McDonald's where to stick it's fries. Those who live in the Eliot neighborhood have a host of worries, from the archetypal NIMBY concern over traffic and trash to a dislike of the all-powerful fast-food industry and the low wages offered its workers.


Thursday 1.24.02

I love technology! Check out Monitor Camera. Just be sure to smile!!

The anonymity of the Internet and that of the confessional have more in common than most of us realize. As a venue for confession, the Internet -- as dozens of websites devoted to airing dirty laundry attest -- is becoming the perfect space to admit sin sans judgment. As Oscar Wilde said, "It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution." The sad thing about this, though, is that the confession topics sound like old Jerry Springer episodes....

Anyone who has seen Jared Fogle in a Subway commercial has to be amazed at what a phenomenon he has become. I suppose losing 245 pounds in a year will do that for you. Fogle's contract, which has been extended through December 2002, stipulates that he keep his weight down and not be seen at McDonald's. Hell, if that's all you have to do...sign me up!!

Who's afraid of John Ashcroft? While Congressmen cower in terror at the wrath of Chairman Ashcroft, the ACLU is stepping up to ask the tough questions. ...the ACLU has, from the first Ashcroft-Bush abridgements of the Constitution, led the resistance. During the alleged congressional debate on the Ashcroft-Bush USA Patriot Act, the ACLU's Washington staff, directed by Laura Murphy, worked 14-hour days to research the constitutional damage contained in each significant detail of that mephitic bill. Alas, hardly any member of Congress appears to have read the subsequent press releases...

Breaking news from the Gods of Irony:

1. (URP) - Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers, and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market, called "beer," is used by females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form, and is now available almost anywhere.
2. "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.
3. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
4. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer," men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
5. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." Apparently men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.
6. Please! Warn every male you know! However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.

The gang-rape capitol of the world. Sudan, still suffering the effects of a civil war that has been going on since 1983, is a hotbed of slavery and sexual violence against women. So why doesn't anyone in the West know about it??

Patty Hearst. The Symbionese Liberation Army. Soccer moms. The Weather Underground. Minivans. What do all of these things have in common? No, it's not an episode of "That '70s Show". It's more about who we were, and who we've become. Who are the bourgeois pigs now?

Amazon.com, the poster boy for the implosion of the dot.com boom, has managed to turn it's first-ever quarterly profit in the five years since it first went public. What is even more amazing is that it lasted this long losing as much money as it has.

The Minnesota Court of Appeals dealt Satan a huge blow, ruling that the Minnesota Twins must field a team this season per the terms of their lease. Things are looking up. If the Twins actually do play this year, there is a very good chance that they may get either a new owner and/or help building a new stadium.


Wednesday 1.23.02

Tom DeLay. What a #%&@*ing Nazi moron. And he is the Congressman from my district. It's amazing what passes for effective public representation in Teaxs. DeLay is all about only one thing- political power. Now that he has it, he will literally do just about anything to maintain it- and the people in his district love him (well, except for me, of course...). I am constantly amazed at how someone who is such an ignoramus can consistently win elections by appealing to the electorate's fear and self-interest. He’s still a rock, our beacon of stability, and corrupt to the core. He’ll leave Washington that way, sooner or later. (Liberal Arts Mafia)

Enron calls off all-employee meeting. Saying that it wanted to spare employees the "media frenzy" that was sure to accompany such a meeting, Enron officials decided to postpone today's scheduled all-employee meeting. Or perhaps they're just afraid that providing employees with information will simply provide those trying to sue them with more ammunition?

It's official; we now have a certified media circus on our hands. The Rev. Al Sharpton descended on downtown Houston today to do a photo op in front of the Enron building. Just what we need; another media whore interested in getting some face time. Go home, Al; I think I hear Tawana Brawley calling....

Israeli Prime Minister is being charged with genocide in the 1982 Sabra-Shatila massacre in Lebanon. What makes the charges so unique is that they are being levied against Sharon by a court in Belgium. A 1993 law allows Belgian courts to charge anyone responsible for violating tenets of the Geneva convention, whether or not that person is a Belgian national and whether or not Belgian nationals were victims of the alleged crime. The law has already been used to convict two nuns of complicity in genocide in Rwanda in 1994. Whether the law will withstand the scrutiny of international law is debatable, but it does raise some interesting possbilities. How long before Shrub is charged with genocide for the war in Afghanistan?

Roe v. Wade turned 29 yesterday. Will it make it to 30? Can you hear them knocking, the Conservative Republicans, the right-wing nutcases, the anti-abortion zealots? Will they be able to chip away at a woman's right to choose long enough to destroy it completely?? They will if Shrub and his minions have their way.

The last revolutionary. Sara Jane Olson (formerly Kathleen Ann Soliah), convicted of a 1975 bomb plot, talks about her involvement with the mid-70s Symbionese Liberation Army. This is a case where justice was done, but there are no winners. Olson, by all accounts, has become a productive member of society, raising three young daughter in Minnesota. Does this negate the violence of her youth? Not likely, but it does raise some questions. Should there be a statute of limitations for terrorist activities? Should the life a person has led over the years factor into the punishment? Tough questions, indeed. Many months of prison lie before her. Perhaps, in that time, Sara Jane Olson will reflect on Kathleen Ann Soliah and decide that they're one and the same -- her.

This story is a perfect illustration of American chutzpah and what it is capable. Dan and Ozzie Silna, owners of The Spirit of St.Louis, a long-defunct ABA basketball team, get a cut of NBA television revenues in perpetuity. With the NBA's new TV deal with ABC/ESPN, the Silnas could clear $24 million per year- for doing nothing at all. I love this country....

All that's missing is the sex...or is it?? The Enron scandal seems to have it all: money, power, greed, but where is the sex? Well, stay tuned: Fortune Magazine reports "rumors of sexual high jinks" in Enron's executive suites "ran rampant." Can things get any better??

On 8.15.98, twenty-nine people were killed -- including a woman pregnant with twins -- and 200 injured when the Real IRA guerrilla group detonated a 500lb (225kg) car bomb in the Northern Irish market town on a busy Saturday afternoon on August 15. The bombing, which came just weeks after the signing of the Good Friday Agreement intended to end Northern Ireland's 30 years of bitter Protestant-Roman Catholic violence, was the single worst incident in a conflict that has left 3,600 dead. Finally, at least some measure of justice was achieved today when Colm Murphy, a 50-year-old father of four was found guilty of conspiring to cause an explosion.

Ireland emphasizes the causes of terrorism. (Unknown News)

Russian and Afghan officials have announced the reopening of the Salang Tunnel, the world's highest tunnel. Workers cleared tons of debris in the three-kilometer long tunnel left over from the war in the 1990s.

Did Matthew Perry forget having sex with Elizabeth Hurley? Is anyone buying this?? I didn't think so.... (fark.com)

People like this scare me.... (Unknown News)


Tuesday 1.22.02

For years now, the Port of Houston has been trying to shove a new and expanded Bayport shipping terminal down the throats of those of us who live in Seabrook. To add insult to injury, an expanded rail connection is part of the plan. Now, the Houston Chronicle's ever-so-insightful editorial board is telling us to give some thought to the economic prosperity of [our] area. Well, let me tell you something. Until you've walked a mile in our shoes, until you've sat here and passed a bond issue based on the truth and not cleverly packaged innuendo and half-truths, DON'T tell us how to feel or what to take into consideration. There is a portion of Houston's business community that will not rest until they have turned Seabrook into the blight that is Deer Park, Pasadena, and Baytown. We don't want any part of that, and the sooner you understand that, the better we'll all get along. Most of us who live in Seabrook live here because we value the small-town atmosphere without having to be surrounded by refineries and chemical plants. Leave us alone!!

Send in your weasel jokes- unless you're Canadian....

Satan loses another round in court. It looks as if the Minnesota Twins will be around for at least one more season. Yippee....

TIME's person of the week: Enron's Vice President for Corporate Development Sherron Watkins. This is what happens when someone decides to tell the truth.... The shriek of Sherron Watkins' letter didn't reach public ears until five months after she wrote it, and even in August concerns like hers seem to have been old news in corner offices (and probably some cubicles) at both companies. But because she got a reaction — made sure she got a reaction — she did start a daisy chain of provable what-they-knew-and-when-they-knew-it that has now put investigators on a pretty pungent and promising trail.

Ken Lay's next pitch ought to be from prison. Amen....

Walkerton, Ontario was much like any other small Canadian town- at least until seven people died and more than 2,300 fell ill from E. coli in the water supply. The Walkerton tragedy began when water contaminated by cow manure washed into a well during a torrential spring storm.

San Francisco prosecutor Leslie Caldwell has made her career on putting away big shots. Now she has an opportunity to do the same thing in Texas.

Anyone who spends any amount of time on the roads at all is no doubt familiar with road rage, whether on the giving or receiving end. A new study is focusing on what is referred to as "driving anger" as the root cause of road rage. "Driving anger", as it turns out, has much more to do with what is going on in an individual driver's life than what happens on the road. Perhaps if a way can be found to treat the problem instead of the symptoms, road rage may become less of a problem.

One issue that has managed to slide under the radar in the war on terrorism is the sale of children in Pakistan. Children as young as 5 are auctioned off regularly in a warehouse here in Pakistan's lawless border regions. Most of them are impoverished Afghan refugees bound for lives of servitude or prostitution.

When 750 Canadian soldiers arrive in Afghanistan next month, each of them will be carrying a small, laminated card telling them who they can shoot.

Now that Argentina is essentially without a working economy, people there are returning to what worked way back when: barter. More than one million Argentines are finding a way around their nation's crippling economic downfall by joining barter clubs. What started six years ago in an ecologist's garage is now a means of survival for millions of people suffering the consequences of a financial breakdown that left people without jobs and cash.


Monday 1.21.02

Two young girls- 11 and 12, put their own nude photos on the Internet. No one seems to know what they were thinking or why they did it. And I'm smart enough to know that this is about as far as I'm going to take this one....(Unknown News)

A legend in his own mind. The family Milosevic truly puts the "fun" in "dysfunctional." Not only have they presided over the disintegration of Yugoslavia and the attendant slaughter of thousands, but they have somehow managed to view themselves in truly heroic terms. Self-delusion...it's the game the whole family can play....

Businessman Holding a Computer Voodoo Doll
I'm angry at something. Obviously. Trust me, it's not always a good thing. Maybe it's my internet connection speed, maybe my bedside (or in-bed) manner, maybe my selection of music...whatever it is, I'm angry at life and something's got to change before I destory someone (or something). Anger management recommended.

What piece of photography are you? Find out at The Stock Photo Quiz.

So much for the idea that California is the land of milk and honey- at least not cheap milk and honey. Nine out the top ten most expensive places to live are in California now.

Prior to 9.11.01, Shrub's approach to terrorism had been closer to his predecessor, Bill Clinton, than he would probably have been willing to admit. It hardly seemed to make a difference then. Without something to change the attitude of the public, there was no compelling reason to alter the current approach. Obviously, 9.11.01 changed everything.

Flying the friendly skies.... Ariana, Afghanistan's national airline, returns to service. Of course, no one would mistake it for United Airlines, but it's a start.

If one Georgia lawmaker has her way, it will become illegal to answer your door in the nude. There's a joke in there, but it seems way too obvious....

You're on your own. Time was when you could count on your employer to help you wade through all the decisions relating to your 401k. The Enron debacle has shown all of us that in the end, the only judgement we should trust is our own.

Sure, everyone wants to make sure that people don't lose their 401k money as so many did in the Enron fiasco. What many ignore, though, is that much of what happened is because of the choices made by individual investors themselves, who chose to ignore sound investment strategy- namely, don't put all of your eggs in one basket. There are officials- Senator Paul Wellstone, for one, who want to ensure that this doesn't happen in the future. By doing so, however, is he proposing taking the risk out of capitalism?

There actually was a system in place that should have prevented the type of meltdown that happened at Enron. The systems of checks and balances encompassed the company's auditors, lawyers, and directors. Somehow, though, the lines blurred over time until the repsonsibilities for oversight gradually disappeared. It's an easy thing to do in Houston, where the lines between buisness, politics, and society are especially blurry.

No more crotch shots. The International Skating Union has decided to crack down on provocative and suggestive skating routines during the 2002 Olympics. They say they've gotten complaints that many of the costumes and routines skaters use border on the obscene. With that in mind, they've banned the more revealing lifts - where women are held upside down with their legs spread wide - and costumes that give the appearance of nudity, show too much skin, or are too tight. (Unknown News)


Sunday 1.20.02

Being a History major, I have a pronounced affinity for useless information. I've just hit the Mother Lode!!

You could see this one coming a mile away. Six people died in a Palestinian suicide attack at a bat mitzvah in Israel. That it was in retaliation for an official Israeli assassination of a Palestinian official should have come as a surprise to absolutely no one. Why, then, did it still have to happen??

Everybody must get Lay'd.... A month after an Enron staffer warned him that the company was headed into the toilet, CEO Ken Lay Was urging employees to buy more stock and bragging on Enron's overall financial picture. "Our third quarter is looking great. We will hit our numbers," Lay told employees Sept. 26 in an internal online forum. "We are continuing to have strong growth in our businesses, and at this time I think we are very well positioned for a very strong fourth quarter." Less than three weeks later, Enron released their third-quarter earnings report, finally facing up to the devastating reality. To say that Lay fiddled while his employees burned would be something of an understatement. I hope there will be a special place in Hell for him and his minions.

A lesson in the limits of control. Michael Jordan is a man who prides himself on the order and control he imposes on his world. Even for him, though, there are limits on what and who he is able to control. For someone who is as outwardly and materially successful as he is, his is in many ways a very sad and lonely existence.

A Minnesota housewife was sentenced to 20 years to life on bombing charges stemming from 1975. In a case that demonstrates that justice delayed is...well, justice delayed, Sara Jane Olson was finally sentenced for her role in a 1975 bank robbery. With her husband of 23 years and their three daughters (15, 19, and 21) in court, Olson spoke her apologies. When Olson's daughter Leila got up to say, between bouts of weeping, that "she and my father brought me up in a home filled with love," Olson again broke down, particularly when Leila went over and hugged her. But there were no hugs and tears when Los Angeles Police Officer John Hall got up to say that when a bomb was placed under his police car in August 1975, he was eating dinner in a "full restaurant," whose plate glass window was 5 feet from his patrol car. "It horrifies me to think that the lives of dozens of people would have ended because of these terrorist activities," Hall told the court. Yes, justice was done, but there were no winners....

Pity Hamid Karzai. His job is to try to put Afghanistan back together again. How do you restore the rule of law and obtain much need financial aid from the international community? When a country has spent the past 25 years trying to bomb itself back into the Stone Age, where do you start??

Bin-Laden is probably dead. President Musharraf of Pakistan is convinced that Osama bin-Laden has died of kidney failure. Can this be true? If so, what does it mean for the war against terrorism?

A new exhibit at the Minnesota History Center in St. Paul is about Minnesota's weather- the good, the bad, and the really, really ugly. Minnesotans have always had an intimate relationship with the extremes of weather in the Upper Midwest. This exhibits how generations co-existed with, tolerated, and even celebrated the weather they were both blessed and cursed with.

You meet the most interesting people over the Internet. Or not. A Houston man spends a week chained and tortured in the basement of a Nebraska flower shop.


Saturday 1.19.02

So you think you've been paying attention to what Shrub has been doing this past year? Take this quiz to see just how much you remember.

Every now and then people here have trouble resisting the urge to pat themselves on the back for what they see as a heightened degree of racial tolerance. Of course, every now and then, something happens to show us that our good friend John Crow has never really departed the scene. This is the South, after all.

Senator Phil Gramm (Texas' version of "Senator No"- Jesse Helms) and his wife Wendy, have, like many Texas politicians turned out to be up to their keisters in Enron-related issues. In hindsight, "business as usual" is turning out to be anything but....

A city of spires searches for it's new skyline. How do you replace the World Trade Center towers? Or can you??

Chairman John Ashcroft: a man with WAY too much power at his disposal.

Have you ever wondered what it would take to be able to murder your family (OK, so it's not something that keeps me awake at night...)?? Apparently, in the case of Christian Longo, not much. As his wife and three children were laying in a Portland morgue last month, Longo was seen smiling on a beach in Cancun, Mexico.

Not even 9.11.01 is immune to being rewritten to serve the interest of political correctness....

United they sit. Minnesota senators Mark Dayton and Paul Wellstone were supposed to stand up for social programs, the environment, and civil liberties. So why does it look as if they're simply mailing it in? Unfortunately, this looks as if it is another example of how 9.11.01 has seemingly robbed elected officials of their cojones and their independence.

In a brazen attempt to buy the silence of Congress, Baseball Commissioner Satan has raised the possibility of a franchise being located in Washington, DC by the 2003 season. Before too long, the questions coming from Senators and Congressmen sounded an awful lot like "Baaaaah, baaaah...."


Friday 1.18.02

David Horowitz on why Israel is the victim and Arabs are the aggressors. OK, so the article is from the Jewish World Review. Read the article; then see if you still want to castigate me for a lack of even-handedness, OK?

Andrew Kimbrell on confronting evil.

A Bruce Springsteen rock opera? Are we ready for this??

Why the Internet is the perfect medium for those with WAY too much time on their hands....

You don't take crap from people, and quite frankly you can be a little too blunt sometimes... but you're also an extremely good friend. Plus, you're dead sexy.

One of the greatest sports reporters- no, in Dick Schaap's case, "reporter" needed no qualifier- was memorialized in New York last night. Schaap was a true humanitarian, that rare public figure who managed to get through life while enjoying it thoroughly and without making an enemy. His was a life well-lived, and we could all benefit by taking a moment to remember a man who truly put the "human" in "humanity".

Ailing retail giant Kmart announced yesterday that it has hired accounting powerhouse Arthur Andersen in an attempt to avoid filing for bankruptcy protection.

So who says television isn't a vast wasteland?? It sounds as if Monica Lewinsky's 15 minutes should be up by now, but she has decided to prolong it a bit with her own HBO special. On the one hand, I suppose you can't fault her for wanting to put her side of the story out there. Even so, if she wants to "normalize" her life, it's going to be tough to do if she keeps reliving the Presidential Blowjob. Here's to hoping that she can eventually move on and live her life on her own terms.

Letter from Herat: the Lost City. The past, present, and future of what was once the jewel of northwestern Afghanistan.

Ford Motor Company has announced a $5.1 billion loss for the fourth quarter of last year. Ford CFO Martin Inglis came up with the understatement of the week when he told analysts "Everyone recognizes Ford is going through a difficult period." Sure, and Afghanistan is going through a bit of a rough stretch as well. How do you lose that kind of money in three months and still manage to stay in business??

Porn, porn everywhere. The porn industry returns to it's spiritual home, Las Vegas, for it's annual lovefest.


Thursday 1.17.02

In a continuing effort to undermine this country's environment, John Ashcroft's Justice Department announced that it will continue with some Clinton-era lawsuits against polluters. Before you get too excited, though, the Justice Department is also looking for ways to let current polluters off the hook. "This is the most cynical publicity stunt I have ever seen," said Philip Clapp, president of the National Environmental Trust. "Look good one day by announcing you're going to prosecute polluters -- and hope nobody notices a few days later when you quietly announce that you're gutting the very rules under which the polluters are being prosecuted."

Now here is something that you won't be seeing John Ashcroft doing.... Norway's Conservative Finance Minister has entered into a legally binding union (or marriage to the rest of us...) with his gay partner. Norway prides itself on its progressiveness on gay rights. In 1993, it became the second country, after Denmark, to legally recognize homosexual unions. Now, same-sex marriages are allowed in many Western European countries and in other places, including parts of Australia.

South Korea's "Dr. Dogmeat" has been forced to postpone a major event planned for this week to promote canine cuisine. In the runup to World Cup 2002, the consumption of dogmeat is becoming a potentially divisive issue for South Korea. Like anything else, of course, dogmeat has it's proponents. Here is one man's experience.

As long as we're beating this horse (no pun intended), the Physician's Committee for Responsible Medicine is suing the National Institutes of Health For documents on a federally-funded project involving experiments on cats. The cat experiments are being conducted by Michael Podell, an associate professor and veterinarian at the university. According to the suit, Podell infects cats with the feline version of HIV and gives them methamphetamines to study how the drugs affect the virus's degenerative impacts in the brain. The cats are euthanized, and their brains are removed for study, according to the suit. PCRM first asked the NIH for all grant documents related to Podell's research in November 2000, said Mindy Kursban, the group's attorney. The papers the group received lacked crucial information, such as behavioral testing procedures and an explanation of why cats are a suitable animal for this experiment, she said.

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban made good on his promise to work as a manager at a Dairy Queen for a day. No word was available on whether David Stern or Ed Rush showed up looking for dilly bars. My question is this: just when is someone in the NBA hierarchy going to begin taking Cuban seriously? It's easy to pass the guy off as an egocentric boob, but if you listen to what he has to say, he makes a tremendous amount of good sense. Why is it so difficult for David Stern and his minions to at least give the guy a serious hearing? Oh, I'm sorry; I forgot. This is the NBA; free speech will get you fined....

Roughing it: tales of survival from the Celebrity Golf Tour. What? You were expecting masculine tales of thriving in the cruel outdoors? Sorry....

While driving under the influence of alcohol is generally a bad idea and is illegal everywhere I can think of, driving while under the influence of marijuana in Idaho is not a crime. Under Idaho law, marijuana is not listed as a narcotic. What that means is that, for now at least, you may toke away behind the wheel as long as you're not otherwise driving erratically. Party on, Garth! (Unknown News)

Interesting, isn't it, how the more the Shrub spinmeisters attempt to distance their leader from Enron, the more Enron appears to involve their leader. How could it not, when Shrub and Ken Lay can be counted as charter members of the Texas Good Ol' Boy Mafia? Now Shrub says he has abandoned Lay, but has he really??

Well, at least they had a sense of humor.... Several phony Enron partnerships were given names from the Star Wars movies. Thankfully, they at least weren't being named after TeleTubbies.... (Unknown News)

"I'm certain that sex with a redhead will be more fulfilling than other sex."


Wednesday 1.16.02

The law and the bedroom have always, at least in the minds of most Americans, been members of mutually exclusive societies. The idea that what goes on behind closed doors is at the bedrock of personal privacy is a basic tenet of our attitude toward marriage. What happens, though, when that belief system is proven to be dangerous, or at the very least horribly inadequate? [I]s the law even equipped to look at these kinds of deeply intimate issues with an unbiased eye? Who decides what sexual behaviors are illegal or when the line has been crossed too far? Also, how do you determine the truth when the participants are the only witnesses?

OK, so Houston is the fattest city in the country, AND the most polluted. While the city is taking a full-court press approach to making Houston a healthier place, the exact opposite is true when it comes to pollution. Although the state is mandating the speed limits in the Houston area be dropped to 55 (not that drivers will actually pay attention), little to nothing is done about the chief offenders- grandfathered refineries and manufacturing plants. I suppose that is what happens when you manage to buy yourself enough political influence.

In his first public comments since being accused of plagiarism, Stephen Ambrose brushed off the criticism as "much ado about nothing." Preferring instead to comment on his new book of original poems, "Leaves of Grass", he said only "From here on out, I'm taking my own advice: 'To thine own self be true.'"

Is this any way to run a war against drugs?

The inherent danger of flying. Really, aside from creating more chaos at airports, what CAN be done to increase security?

Muslim in America: A community tries to deal with suspicion, hatred, and bigotry, all while making a very simple and powerful point: We are Americans too.

You have likely heard the Shrub Administration claim as often as I have that they have decimated the Al-Qaeda network. What does that mean, really? Where exactly does the war against terrorism stand just now??

Richard Cohen of the Washington Post talks about the "outrage" of the Enron scandal. Of course, short of hordes of ex-employees storming Ken Lay's vacation home in Aspen, the end result will likely be that nothing happens. The rich really are different- and they stand up for one another.

Yet another rich, spoiled, obscenely overpaid athlete. I am constantly amazed at our ability to indulge professional sports while so much of the world around us goes wanting. I'm not at all sure I like what it says about us as a society. Why does a baseball player make $18 million a year, and most teachers still don't make $40,000? Are our priorities that messed up? Apparently....

Along the same lines, ESPN is holding a poll to select the world's sexiest athletes. Again, I don't get it. The object of this exercise is to...prove what a shallow, vacuous society we have become??


Tuesday 1.15.02

According to a survey published in Germany yesterday, Norwegians have the strongest desire to have sex in public places. Why we would need to know that is beyond me, but, hey- I'm only the messenger. 66% of Norwegians reported that they have had sex in public places. The places where sex took place included cars, trains, airplanes, beaches, parks, changing rooms, offices and libraries. Well down near the bottom of the list were Americans (21%) and Canadians (15%). So what do they know that we don't??

It sounds like terrorism, only funnier. Something is loose in the Supreme Court, and it has brought Court operations to a halt. In this case, the culprit is a wild fox. I had no idea the Supremes were such nature lovers....

The case for a national ID card. Since Big Brother already knows where you live, you may as well let him make you safer- right?? After representative John Dingell was asked to drop his pants at Washington's National Airport last week, some people felt safer. Others...decided that we'd lost our collective minds. A near strip search of a 75-year-old Congressman whose artificial hip has set off a metal detector — while suspected al-Qaeda operative Richard Reid slips onto a Paris-to-Miami flight with a bomb in his shoe — isn't making us safer. It's making us ridiculous for entrusting our security to an unskilled police force that must make split-second decisions on the basis of incomplete data. Are we REALLY ready to head down this slippery slope?

Just when you might have begun to think that you have a lousy job.... Imagine getting this message from your employer: "Sorry for the e-mail, but the Crime Scene DNA Lab needs some semen samples for making practice forensic exhibits. Please visit the toilets on the first floor nearest to Block 1 between 10am and 5pm. If you are able to provide a sample in one of the tubes and place this in the ice box this would be much appreciated." (Unknown News)

The gift that keeps on giving.... Why using cluster bombs means that war never needs to end. It can continue long after the combatants have left the battlefield.

Bush loses consciousness; no one notices a difference for 20 minutes....

Joseph McCarthy may be dead, but his legacy lives on in Memphis. Conservatives there are raising a stink about the words "Workers of the world, unite" on a work of art outside the city's new Public Library. Some observers have claimed that this is a perfect example censorship, oppression and hysteria in this newly conservative post 9/11 era, where, according to our nations top legals, dissent is tantamount to treason. The reality here, is far more simple. Do these square-headed know-nothings really think that our biggest threat comes from a piece of artwork? (Outside the library is the quote from the Communist Manifesto. Inside there is an entire book by Adolph Hitler. And that's just the beginning....) Perhaps if they could remove their anteriors from their posteriors for a fleeting moment, they might begin to see that what they are railing against is the equivalent of peeing into the wind.

Just when you thought it couldn't happen, a creative way to use the term "lard ass": The United States solidified its position as the fattest nation in the world, with new statistics released by Surgeon General David Satcher showing that 60 per cent of Americans are overweight. Satcher's recommendations for solving the worsening health problem included more emphasis on physical education in the schools, less fast-food marketing in poor areas, and the insertion of the term "Lard Ass" into the names of all members of Congress who qualify--for example, Newt "Lard Ass" Gingrich, Hilary "Lard Ass" Rodham Clinton, and the eminent Edward "Ted" "Lard of All Asses" Kennedy. Well, given that Houston was just named the fattest city in the country, "lard ass" would seem to apply here as well....(joebob-briggs.com)

Finally, winter arrives in the Twin Cities....

A Dutch civil servant is in hot water after bringing his office's computer system to it's knees after downloading too much pornography. (Unknown News)


Monday 1.14.02

Most of us figure that if we lose our job, there is unemployment insurance to fall back on. In Texas, though, that is not always true. If you are receiving severance payments from your old employer, you may have unwittingly waived your right to unemployment benefits. Guess what happens, then, when your old employer files for bankruptcy, as in the case of Enron? That's right, you're totally out of luck. This is just one more thing to look out for now.

Here's something that you probably didn't know (I know I didn't): Islam is attracting a growing number of female converts in the US, even in the wake of 9.11.01.

Left unexamined in the clamor over the war in Afghanistan is the increasingly disturbing role of Iran and it's quest for power in the region.

Imagine being responsible for coming up with a plan for a memorial for the site of the World Trade Center. Not only is it something that requires an almost-superhuman degree of sensitivity, there are also the expectations and opinions of the families and loved ones of the 3,000 victims. As the first phase of cleanup at ground zero nears completion, New York--and America--must confront a difficult question: What exactly should be done with the sprawling vacant lot? And how can the final decision, months or years away, possibly satisfy all those demanding to be heard?

This is the story of one of the many female firefighters at Ground Zero. Sadly, women rescuers -- who stood shoulder to shoulder with the men at ground zero -- have been so roundly ignored by the media that the term fireman has returned to vogue.


Sunday 1.13.02

They still shoot horses, don't they? I just wish there was something I could take to put me out of my misery. I'm running a temperature for the fourth day in a row, and it looks like another day at home. I watched a hockey game and two football games yesterday, only because my head hurt too much too read. I'm not sure that today is going to be much different....

You had to figure that this would be coming: Who killed Buddy? Check out the nine suspicious facts about Buddy's death.

Through Shrub has said that Enron CEO Ken Lay was a supporter of Ann Richards during the 1994 Texas governor's race, the reverse seems to be true. A review of the records by the Dallas Morning News shows that while Richards received $12,500 from Lay, Shrub received $37,500. Now it seems that Shrub can't get far enough from Lay fast enough.

With spring training just four weeks away, there may not be enough time for Commissioner Satan to implement his contraction plan. While the Minnesota Twins may field a team this year, they could very well be baseball's version of "Dead Man Walking".


Saturday 1.12.02

After running a temperature in excess of 102 for a good part of the day, and being semi-delirious, I'm finally beginning to feel better. Perhaps getting that flu shot would have been a good idea after all....

Now THIS will look good on a resume.... A teenage girl, after apparently having an argument with her mother, climbed a high-voltage utility tower in West Houston. The extraordinary thing is that she came in contact with a 138,000 volt line and survived.

A delegation of disgruntled US high-school students has demanded that the US find wars in easier-to-locate countries. "I totally support our soldiers and all that, but I am seriously failing both geography and social studies because I keep getting asked to find Croatia or Yemvrekia, or whatever bizarre-o country we send troops to," said Amelia Nash, a junior at Clark High School in Orlando, Fla. "Can't we fight in, like, Italy? It's boot-shaped." (SatireWire)


Friday 1.11.02

This promises to be a slow day for me. I'm running a temperature of 101+, so this is all I'm up for today. Perhaps if I can get some rest today, I'll have more tomorrow. Cheers....

It's an election year, and the political demonization process has begun. In this case, it's the Republicans distorting Sen. Tom Daschle's stand on Shrub's tax cuts. Well, at least one pundit recognizes it for what it is.

Here are the winners of Satirewire.com's Second Annual Poetry Slam. Who would have imagined that the words "your penis" could be used with such poetic license??

Breaking news from Joe Bob Briggs: More than 80 per cent of the English have had sex in their cars, and 20 per cent of the women of Cheshire in northwest England do it at least once a month. Other interesting findings from a survey by MSN Carview, an international network of automotive websites, included the fact that 22 per cent of the women in Newcastle upon Tyne have had sex in the back of a taxi. It was an experience shared by one in three Britons overall. The most sexually inept Brits? Those from southeast England. Eighteen per cent admitted injuring themselves during sex. It's those bloody stick shifts.

In a related story: A Filipino farmer sliced off his penis with a machete after reading the Bible and deciding his member was leading him into a life of sin. He was inspired by Matthew 18:8, which reads, "If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire." Family members found him writhing and bleeding in his hut, the penis lying nearby, and rushed him to a hospital where it was reconstructed. It is now 20 per cent shorter, however, the result of his having hacked at it several times before it came off. "He said he wanted to be nailed to a coconut tree," the man's mother told reporters. "He had memorized the Bible and preaches with the pastors in our place. He also advised other people to remove nude photos from their walls so that small children will not become sex maniacs later." The man later said he had no regrets about the act, because his penis was a "cobra" driving him toward women. But as anyone who has ever tried to kill a snake knows....

South Korean dogmeat restaurant owners are setting up a nationwide federation to promote dogmeat meat in the runup to World Cup 2002. Included in the campaign will be Doctor Dogmeat", an academic whose job will be to promote the consumption of dogmeat. "The new federation will promote the eating of dogmeat during the international event period by designating poshintang restaurants near World Cup stadiums as special places to serve foreign visitors." Would you like fries with that??

There are homeless people in New York?? (worktribe.com)


Thursday 1.10.02

Now, THIS is good news. A report released on Tuesday shows a dramatic rise in the number of people being treated for depression in the US. I've wrestled with depression all of my adult life, and it remains an ongoing battle. I'm fortunate that I've found appropriate treatments when I've needed it. Without it, and without friends and loved ones to point me in the right direction, I likely would not be here today. I can attest to the destructive nature of the disease- and it is a disease. For years, I've wished I could be happy-go-lucky like so many of my friends, but it appears I am not wired that way. My hope is that I and people like me will realize that help is available, and that there is certainly no shame in asking for it. Party on, Garth....

Test yourself for hidden bias using Tolerance.org's test. Also, Reader's Digest provides "Ten Steps Toward Raising a Tolerant Child".

Mr. Tyson?? We've found your dog.... A dog ripped off a Swede's ear and swallowed it. While the man was being rushed to the hospital, the dog was being rushed to the vet and given an emetic in the hopes of getting the ear back. When that didn't work, veterinarians opened up the dog's stomach and retrieved the ear, but four hours had elapsed. By the time the ear was delivered to the hospital, there wasn't enough left to warrant reattachment surgery. The dog was barred permanently from all jurisdictions except Nevada.

The Skyline. Paul Goldberger of the New Yorker discusses what New Yorkers can learn from Oklahoma City as they wrestle with the question of how to memorialize 9.11.01.

A victory (finally) for free speech: Michael Moore's latest book is rescued from publishing hell, thanks to some outraged librarians.(Unknown News)

The Cuban Whistle Crisis, part deux. Now Dairy Queen wants a piece of the action.

It was only a matter of time, I suppose. The Department of Justice begins a criminal probe of Enron. Somewhere, Ken Lay is sweating.....

Nice work if you can get it.... The Securities and Exchange Commission has announced that they have uncovered a fraudulent Internet securities scam that netted a 17-year-old high school student $1 million. The Web site promised exorbitant returns on short-term investments, including a "Christmas Miracle" program that promised a return of 2,500 percent for money invested between Nov. 10 and Dec. 15 last year, the SEC said in its complaint....Potential investors sent their money through Internet payments services like PayPal and Osgold....

Afghanistan has been at war to varying degrees since the '70s. A consequence of that fact is the enormous number of profoundly mentally ill people wandering the streets. The country has 24 million people, only three spychiatric hospitals and eight psychiatrists to treats literally thousands of mentally ill patients. It has virtually no ability to treat its enormous population of mentally ill war victims, according to the World Health Organization, which estimates the mentally ill population at two million. The scope of the problem is apparent here. Raving men are not hard to find on Jalalabad's streets, and the hospital has at least one victim from each conflict that has gripped the country in the past generation, from the Marxist coup in 1978 to the American bombs that are still coming down.

Is Andrea Yates presumed innocent? It seems eveyone with an agenda or an ax to grind has already long-since made up their minds. The actual trial just seems like so much bad theater to these folks.

After all, they must be in jail for a reason, right?? This presumption of innoncence thing is a real pain in the ass, isnt' it??(Unknown News)

Crackhead Productions (yes, that IS their name...) has produced a cable public access program featuring stuffed animals to portray simulated sexual acts . Well, it IS cheaper than paying real actors, I suppose. Sure, it may be tasteless, immoral, puerile, or whatever adjective you choose to attach to it, but let's be real. It was aired at 2 a.m., and it IS public access. If you don't like it, you have two choices: turn it off and/or go to bed. End of story. (Worktribe.com )

Whoda thunk it? Canada's graphic cigarette package warnings actually seem to work. I suppose it just goes to show you that grossing people out may just be the best thing you can do sometimes. The warnings were so effective that 44 percent of the smokers polled said the new warnings increased their motivation to quit smoking. And 38 percent of smokers who attempted to quit in 2001 said the new warnings were a factor in motivating them to try to quit.

Slobodan Milosevic is back up to his old tricks. It sounds like he studied at the elbow of Josef Goebbels: ....when asked to speak, Mr Milosevic launched an attack on Nato over its bombing campaign against Yugoslavia in 1999. Mr Milosevic accused Nato of killing innocent people, destroying hospitals, bridges and railways, and siding with, in his words, Albanian terrorists. He also accused the court of being biased and politically motivated.

Well, I suppose this is one way to get your friends through English class....

In an attempt to downplay rumors that there is a black hole where his environmental conscience should be, Shrub yesterday signed an agreement aimed at ensuring an adequate water supply for the Florida Everglades. The agreement, signed with his brother Jeb, the Governor of Florida, is an attempt to burnish his Administrations's "pave paradise, make it a parking lot" image.

Mr. Blackwell's Worst Dressed Women. Does anyone actually plan their wardrobe based on this crap??

Another ridiculously overpaid professional athlete. Yawn....


Wednesday 1.9.02

What does it mean to be a nun in the modern world? Mary Gordon looks at an endangered species. With an average age of 69, and little in the way of new recruits coming in, being a nun is clearly a disappearing way of life.

This is funny. Having had my own run-in with a luxury hotel in Houston, it was refreshing to find out that I'm not alone. This person, though, took it one step farther than I ever would have thought about. He put together a 17-page slide show detailing the whole sorry experience. Somebody wasn't happy, and now everyone on the Internet is about to find out about it. (kottke.org)

Argentina pays it debt- to democracy.

P.J. O'Rourke, one of my personal favorites, offers some coping strategies for the post-9.11.01 world. In the right frame of mind, it all really is pretty damn funny.

Dean Allen at Textism has put together one of the most graphically interesting and appealing weblogs on the Internet. It's an aesthetically pleasing read, very simply and excellently done. I found this little bit about how to drive in France, which could be directly translated as "How to Drive in Texas". Having driven in Europe, I can attest to the accuracy of this....

1. You went to New York once, whereupon you were dazzled by the technique and verve of the American cab driver. Model yourself after this noble guardian of the streets: learn his tenacity and fearlessness, and know that above all it is your confidence behind the wheel that will serve in the education of others.
2. While driving, should someone pull onto an otherwise empty road two kilometres ahead of you, step on the gas until you are a maximum of two inches behind this interloper and stay there, that he may understand the urgency of your journey and your status as an educator.
3. No matter the speed of traffic flow, or the narrowness of the streets, let this be your mantra: pass, pass, pass. Whenever possible, pass those who are passing. If, while passing, someone flashes their lights behind you for passing too slowly, apply your brakes.
4. If someone passes you, pass him as soon as possible, slow down, then give him the finger.
5. If you are a young male in a white Renault, you own the road. Drive in any lane you choose, at whatever speed. Give everyone the finger.
6. If you are a truck driver, know that it helps pass the time on the highway to team up with another truck and box a car in. This can be great sport while drunk.
7. Turn signals? Hardly worth the effort.
8. If the license plate indicates the car in front of you is registered in another départment, this is your enemy. Cut this car off, then give the finger.

Only in America: a tip of the hat to whoever thought this one up. Now, thanks to our friends at Toilet Paper World, you never need to leave home to buy cleaning supplies. I love this country....

It appears that the skeletons in the closets of British royalty come with price tags attached. Prince Edward plans to release a 13-part, unvarnished tell-all saga entitled "A-Z on Royalty."

Let's see; knife fights, attempted rapes, drunks, disorderly conduct, assaults- why would anyone in Seattle want to ride the bus?

Afghanistan, from inside a burqa.

The US Army is updating it's grooming regulations. Still no dreadlocks or earrings for men....

Is Wolf Blitzer sexy??

We fight the war against terrorism. Equitorial Africa fights the war against Ebola. Canada? It's trying to determine the True Cradle of Canadian Hockey.

The Cuban Whistle Crisis. What the heck are they thinking??

One man's view on why Europe will regret going to the new euro currency.

Kashmir, land of dispute.

The US military is asking researchers for help in developing a stink bomb powerful enough to clear crowds. There is a joke in here, just crying out for release, but I think I'll take the high road (for once) and resist the temptation. ***Snicker*** (Unknown News)


Tuesday 1.8.02

Dayna Curry and Heather Mercer, the two missionaries held captive by the Taliban, have just signed a book deal. How long before Playboy offers them contracts to pose nude?

Repeat after me: Do NOT call Paula Zahn "sexy". OK, but will someone please tell her to shut the hell up??

Now if they can just use the occasion to convince them to stop making cheap cars.... Koreans are outraged that the West is using the 2002 World Cup to get them to stop eating dogs. A cross-party group of South Korean MPs has introduced a bill to legalise the sale and export of dog meat, in defiance of international pressure to curtail the custom before the start of the World Cup, which it is co-hosting, in May and June.

Dave Thomas, the jovial founder of the Wendy's hamburger chain, died today of liver cancer at the age of 69. Thomas always violated the first rule of advertising- never do your own commercials, but always managed to find a way to make America feel good about eating poorly.

Human rights groups are collecting evidence they say will demonstrate that Russian troops recently have been engaged in unjustified killings and other abuses in Checnya. No shock there, I suppose. The Russian military, never known for their sense of mercy when it comes to Chechnya, has essentially been flying under the radar of international opinion. With the full attention of the world's media focused on the war in Afghanistan, the stunningly brutal war in Chechnya has warranted virtually no attention. Hopefully, that is about to change.

After a personal interview with God, Pat Robertson discloses that San Francisco will be the next target of terrorists. OK, great, but can He get me Super Bowl tickets??

Wow, I'm surprised no one thought of this before. For all of you out-of-the limelight members of Congress looking to boost your Q rating in this election year, here is a sure-fire tip: launch a Congressional investigation of Enron. Hurry, don't get left at the station while your colleagues are making political hay!!

She's a man, baby!! Or perhaps just a bit too short.....

A German consumer electronics firm has agreed to pull ads featuring three-breasted women after a public outcry. Women apparently failed to see the "humor" in the ads, featuring a woman with three voluptuous breasts in a low-cut dress, with the caption "There's more inside than you think." Or probably want to know about....

Operating under the cover of the war against terrorism, the Shrub Administration has been quietly but busily dismantling many of the environmental regulations put into place by the Clinton Administration. "There is a secret war against the environment, which has been waged over the last four months,'' said Representative Edward J. Markey, Democrat of Medford and a member of the House Committee on Energy and Commerce. ''It has allowed the fulfillment of the wildest dreams of many anti-environmentalist industries that would have caused political storms in any other period."

In the final hours of his life, Charles Bishop walked his dog, said goodbye to his cat, and then sat down to write a suicide note. Shortly afterwards, he would fly a small passenger plane into an office tower in downtown Tampa, FL. For now, the note seems to raise more questions than it answers.

Sure, everything has changed since 9.11.01, right? Well, not quite. The always-tenuous spirit of bipartisanship that existed in Washington post-9.11.01 has now officially evaporated. The gloves are off, and it's back to business as usual. Let the campaign to demonize Tom Daschle begin....

Way back in 1989, I bought an Apple Macintosh SE. I thought it was the coolest thing going- even though it was small, horribly expensive and had a screen the size of a large postage stamp. The novelty of the SE passed quickly, and I reluctantly and grudgingly went back to using PCs because, well, that's what everyone else was using. Part of me has long been waiting for Apple to win me back. With their latest version of the iMac, they just may have done it. I had no idea that a computer was supposed to look like a sunflower....

Of course, Apple is not without it's problems, as anyone using OS X can likely attest to.

With Shrub and Chairman Ashcroft maintaining their assault on the Bill of Rights, and with Congress meekly acquiescing, what needs to happen in order to maintain our civil liberties?

Where do the rights of property owners end and the responsibility of government regulators begin? Apparently in the Supreme Court, as the Supremes hear a case concerning home-building at Lake Tahoe and the rights of government to curtail said home-building in an effort to mitigate possible environmental damage.